After picking up a car in Florence and heading out into the traffic I was convinced Italian drivers are insane!
However, after a week of driving across Italy, close observation and behavioral analysis, I can see there is method in the chaos.
It is made up of some simple rules and customs as follows;
- Speed limits are just for tourists
- Indicators are optional equipment in Italy. A few Euro can be saved by omitting this option when purchasing a vehicle.
- Give way to the left occasionally.
- Horns are the equivalent of a Turbocharger waste gate, but for your car’s electrical system, judicious use of the horn prevents your battery from becoming overcharged.
- Speed limit signs are only installed as an afterthought, if at all, as nobody really reads them.
- Men at work signs were just left by the Romans when they originally made the road (from the bones of the vanquished). They bear no relationship to current road works. They will decay and disappear in time.
- Hazard lights - see #2
- There is always a gap.
- Inserting your car into said gap is easy, as all Italian cars have all around proximity sensors. In other countries this feature is called paint.
- Cycling is an Italian word that translates to “assisted suicide”.
- Bicycle helmets are not worn as there is no point attempting to prolong one’s ultimate demise.
- Lane markings are to be used like the slots in a slot car track. Never should all wheels of a vehicle be on the same side of the line.
- In tunnels if your car has more than 4 cylinders it is mandatory to knock it back a couple of pegs and open the throttle.
- In tunnels if your motorcycle is larger than 500cc it is mandatory to knock it back a couple of pegs and open the throttle.
- If your vehicle is powered by a two stroke motor you never need to change up from first gear.
- The "2 second gap" between vehicles is too wide as it leaves at least 3 gaps in front of you. In Italy the appropriate gap is 2 cigarette papers.
- Italian drivers are usually rolling a fag whilst driving. They therefore have ready access to tobacco paper for the measurement of gaps.
- Parking, if there is not sufficient space see rule #7.
- GPS maps are based on the ancient Roman “blueprints”. Accuracy is not a word that should be associated with these units.
- If your vehicle has less than 4 wheels, no rules apply.
